I believe….but yet

I believe that I’m doing a good job at dealing with my emotions. I believe that somehow I’ve managed to forgiven him and everyone else.

But yet, everything feels so distant. Is it just an involuntarily relapse of my somewhat suppressed feelings?

I aspire to achieve alot in my life. My dad is an alcoholic and mom grew up not knowing about the bonds of having a family. If anything, I want to be different when it comes to my career, friends, family.

I never ever want to repeat the mistakes they made when I was growing up and I hope my kids won’t suffer emotionally and mentally the way I’m suffering. I spend half my days filled with angst with it comes to my parents. I blame them for everything I feel, everything I’m not, everything I’m failing to be.

What should I do? How to come finally come to terms with these feelings? It’s so easier said than done and everything I move a step forward.. I crash, and I fall three steps lower than where I begin.

I’ve been doing my best..to become better . And I hope things go well. I hope I can be different because I don’t think I can continue to wallow in negative emotions…

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